my weird and wacky, sometimes funny journal: (absolutely no minors allowed!)

5:48pm: Manga! Come here and Fill this Hole!
I'm sooooo horny right now! Where's a mangas when I need one? Damn, get over here vre! Listening to Batis isn't helping and gonna switch to Tsomidis or Markos in a minute and mmmmmm! Mouth is watering. Laters.

3:52pm: Πάμε Στο Σχολείο!
When I graduated college, I was so glad. It was like the best day in mylife. Why? Cause I was was sick of reading shit that didn't interest me. In the beginning, it was all fun and exciting but when you read the same fucking thing inthree different courses it gets boring. then, there was the scanning. How I hated it! Hours and hours of scanning in a book before I could really read it. Sure, I could read and scan but not when it was a month before the courses and I had to scan in hundreds of pages. Then, I had to hope that everything was read correctly or I'd have trouble if I had to quote things. I remember the research papers, all short (I think the longest in all four years was like 12 pages) and how I'd have to keep all these different windows open in my computer with the sourses and spend forever looking for quotes and things...

and yet, I'm seriously thinking of going to grad school for Hellenic Studies. If, as I say, my life is for Ellada, which it is, then I should learn everything about her... I'm sadly lacking in many areas of knowledge and want to do this for me!l be many. I need to complete that whole, to truly delve into our history and culture and to learn all that I can. So I did a little research and ound pretty much all the places that offer Hellenic Studies in America. Most are undergrad, certificate, only classics or only modern. There are a few good ones though. Main site is
http://www.helleniccomserve.com/hellenicprogs.html

Here are the ones near me that I'd actually be able to get to regardless of course level. Startting the ones in which I'm interested.

( Hellenic Studies in NJ and NY )

10:58pm: Yet Another Random Entry
So what the hell is it with friends who feel they're worthless, that they deserve to be treated like shit, who are always depressed etc? I keep reading this, again and again, on my friends list and don't get it. Even when I'm depressed, sad, mad, frustrated or whatever, I never think I'm worthless. I don't deserve to be treated like shit no matter what! I mean, if The gods think so or if I act like a complete idiot, that's an entirely different matter. But 99.9% of the time I don't believe that's the case, not about me being an idiot anyway.

Anyway, something really weird's been going on with my watch. It fell and is behind my bed, so I have to ask Mom to get it tomorrow cause I forgot. I didn't hear this the other times but it's been going "alarm on, alarm off" somethines with interverals and sometimes as if someone's going crazy hitting the button. I donno what's going on but it's annoying.

In other news, I'vebeen making tons of friends from Craigslist. Some are married, so I've made it perfectly clear that friendship is all their getting, but knowing them will enrich my life I think. Some are in NJ and some are in FL, near Tarpon Springs, since I posted there as well. One is actually right here in my own town! He's got a girlfriend and is as serious as I am when it comes to not cheating but he's making an excellent friend so far. He's 56 and his name is Allex. He's very very smart, the kind who comes up with trivia and little mind playing games that are fun and that you have to rack your brain to figure out, only to find out the answer was simple and right under your nose... I'm so so glad I have him as a friend. I hope he doesn't turn out to be a total vlaka like Bill. He's Polish, though, so I doubt it. I've always had good luck with Poloks. Then, there's Jeff, whom I barely know, even though we've exchanged like 21 emails. That's cause he keeps sending me fascinating things on rebetika, one of which I'm definitely reposting to the Rebetika group on Google. lol I complimented him, said I want to get to know him and he says one or two things, nothing personal or even about him and then continues. He's intriguing me and I joked with him that I found a young mangas! I don't even think he's Greek! There's a woman who emailed me from my regular friendship posting who sounded really nice but she hasn't contacted me in a few days. I think she said she was going on vacation or something. I'll check and email her back if that's not the case. Then, there's James/Jim, who's Greek and totally fascinated with me! I think he comes from Cyprus. And I just read another email from someone in FL who's not Greek but who's very close to the community over there.... So many people to keep track of! I think I'llhave write things about them for myself so I won't get confused! It sure is an interesting time. But you wanna know the really sad thing? I'm making more friends from my mangas and sexy senior postings than my reneral friends and looking for Hellenic Polytheists ones. I guess unless there's sex involved, or the person's an intellectual or something, no one wants to just hang out with me. Still no mangas of course.

I also started working again for Rod. No more phone work. I'm now posting ads on Craigslist and loving it! Let me saythat again. I! love! my! job! Maybe, I should post an add offering a service like that.

Gods willing, I'll be going with Spiros to see Vassilis in MA at the end of the month! Opa! I love him and his wife Maria. They're such good souls and maybe I can make him laugh or cheer him up. Blindness is driving him crazy. I'm also hoping we could see Elias, the best bouzoukiplayer I've ever met in my life and certainly the best I've ever heard who's still living. He's pretty young too I think, maybe in his 50's?

Today, we made souvlakia for the first time. There's this guy on 31st and 31st in Astoria who makes the best souvlakia I've ever had. Right on the truck. So we went to the same butcher he goes to and got the same kind of meet. It's beef and is already on the scewers. We put garlic pepper and oregano on them and grilL ed them and mmmmm! They's so so good! That with olives from Kriti, a piece of white bread was fantastic. Only thing I was missing was cucumbers and good cheese from Elladaor Kypros.

Last night, I spoke with Nick. I don't think any of you here go back that far. Nick is a Greek who was living in England. We hada year-long, maybe a bit more, online fling and I really thought we were gonna meet. Well, he was immature and since he couldn't come to Americacause of bullshit that the people caused atthe airport, he dumped me in an email pretty as you please. I really really loved him and it seriously hurt. A few years later, he completely appologised to me and we talk every now and then. He's a nice guy really, just young (late 20's by now). So anyway, he's thinking of going back to Greece to say. He's blindlike me and told me that it's very hard over there. Of course, I know that's the truth, especially for blind people. Still, he says I can do it and is amazed at my progressin the language. He knew me back before I know geia sou. lol One thing he did say is that it's very hard toget around in Ellada. You can't just take a cane and expect to go places like in England or America. the kerbs are all weird, the people drive like maniacs, the streets are a mess. But I don't really walk anywhere here on my own either so... I'm sure if I really need to go somewhere I can have a friend take me, use a buss or call a cab. Oh man! I just had a guy email me and say that he's Hispanic and how old am I interested in? Uh, duh? It's right in the fucking post! And he answered my mangas ad no less. The manges in Piraea knewSpanish? Brain people brain. It's a precious and beautifulthing that most people should have.

Anyway, off to do my lessons now. I'm on 64! that, or sleep.

2:32pm: ntry Full of Stuff
Geia sas. Wow. I have so many things to tell you guys that I don't know where to start. Some is good and some not so good,. I think I'll get rid of the bad first andcut some of this to save your friend's pages. But if you do read all, let me know. *smile*

I think I'm coming down with a cold or a virus or something. Yesterday, I felt nautious and not myself and today I'm sneezing. I hope it goes away soon, cause I hate colds. I've also been having this stupid problem with my hand and actually want to go and have it x-rayed cause it's making me nervous. The left side of my wrist, right below the bone and sometimes the bone and wrist hurt. It doesn't happen all the time, but it seems to be present when the weather is really bad and when I'm moving my hand in certain ways. Geoff and Mom said they think it's carpal tunnel syndrome but I don't feel any numbness. However, the pain or whatever seems to effect my thumb, my index and my middle fingers. It's also starting, very very slowly, to happen in my left hand. I don't think it's rumatoid arthritis as Grandma has cause that effects the joints, though I sometimes have pain in my hands too. That and I've been having almost daily eye/head pain. I'm used to pain in the eyes when I'm tired and yeah, sometimes, it can turn into headaches. But this is every fucking day, and the worse the weather is, the worse the pain is. I lost my Medicade card so have them send me a new one. I mean, I'm sure it's in the house and all butdon'twanna waste time looking for it. Mom says she gave it to me and I kind of remember it but don'tknow why I'd lose it. Why the hell would she give it to me anyway when the only synthetic doctors I go to are eye, gynachologist and dentist? (Making exception for hand/headx-ray at clynic) I'll probably wind up going to a kyropractor or accupuncturist.

The weather's been absolutely horrible lately! Rain rain rain, sun and rainagain. As i'm writing this, it's at it again and now so is my hand and shoulders. I really hope it clears up soon, cause it's frustrating. Also, either the headphone or the headphone jack on my netbook is broken. I tried two different pairs. One doesn't work and the other barely does. But my speakers, which have the exact same kind of plug, work fine! Go figure.

Now onto the good news, and there is alot for once! Let's start with the medical, since that's how I started the bad. I've finally, at long last, decided what to use for contraception. After months of being torn between the diaphragm and the iud, I've decided to go with the Paraguard iud.
http://www.paraguard.com
While the former can be easily removed by me, there's still the expense of spermacide and then hoping I put it in correctly. That, and the fear of it moving. I just don't need that, as I'm always paranoied about that kind of shit. I've heard that some women have trouble putting them in but I'm comfortable with a menstrual cup and female condom so I donno. The iud is more expensive I'm sure but Medicade covers it so yay! Yeah, it might cause cramping (something I never really get) and heavy bleeding during my period but that'll go away after a few months and if not, I can have the doctor remove it. In the meantime, I've got safe, hormone-free protection that'll last for ten years without any bullshit. I'll still use condoms with anyone else I'm with but with my bf (and maybe another man I might trust with my life), I'll have a nicer alternative.

( And Speaking of Spiros (nothing dirtyjust nice) )

Monday was a relaxing day. Spiros and I got up at around 7 cause that's his normal time and he had breakfast while I ate a tiny bit of that fruit salad. Then, he left and I can't remember if I went to sleep or stayed online but I think I stayed on a bit. But that night was the real triumph. I'd decided in the store that I wanted corn and mashed potatoes with that chicken and that's why we bought it. But I wanted to make it on my own and that'sexactlywhat I did. I'd made potatoes before but never corn. Grandma helped me measure the water so I'll know for next time and told me about the time but that was about it. Everything else was a solo job. It was soooooo delicious and I was so happy that I almost cried. I pealed the potatoes after they were boled cause it made things easier and mashed them twice, first with the masherand then with a fork. When I brought them up to Grandma to let her try them she was amazed. And it wasn't that fake crap either. She was like "wow! These are beautiful!" So yeah, that was one of the best nights I've had in a long long time. I also took the whole chicken apart and discarded the bones and then put the leftovers in the freezer.

Yesterday, as I said, I really didn't feel well. I justwasn't in a good headspace and had the nausia/light-headedthing going on. But I did go to
http://www.drugstore.com
and got some goodies. I really stocked up this time so I won't have to go back for awhile.
( Stuff from Drugstore.com )

The one thing I left out of this was arnica. I seriously need to get something for headaches and for my usual aches and pains and am considering this.
http://www.drugstore.com/products/prod.asp?pid=148858&catid=22&trx=GFI-0-EVGR-49973&trxp1=10782&trxp2=148858&trxp3=1&trxp4=37&btrx=BUY-GFI-0-EVGR-49973
Check out the ingredients for more. I'm also considering their cream if I don't get the tablets
http://www.drugstore.com/products/prod.asp?pid=85678&catid=9320&trx=GFI-0-EVGR-49973&trxp1=10782&trxp2=85678&trxp3=1&trxp4=42&btrx=BUY-GFI-0-EVGR-49973
They have other variants and many other brands too. The thing is, I don't know anything about this stuff. How often can I use it? I really need something that's safe to take daily or at least, for awhile, until I resolve this crap. What are the side effect? Sometimes, the pain is either internal (head pain etc) or in a place that I can't always reach with a topical pain reliever. do tablets really work the same way? For now, I've been using Blue Ice, which is a dollar-store knock-off of Mineral Ice but which works very nicely. Bought it a few years ago and figured why not use it?

Finally, if you read the drugstore.com stuff, you saw that I got Detox Tea. I really think I'm gonna try and detox myself. I know of two fantastic products called Collon Clenze and Toxin Out but they're very very expensive. So I went with this tea that I'm gonna drink for 16 days. I'm not gonna go radically crazy but I am gonna cut down on, maybe even stop for a time, caffeine and I've already decided to stick with electronic cigarettes. I'll probably use mostly 0-strength nicotine cartridges and if I can find 6sI'll get them. I've got some 11s but will use them sparingly as they're heavier and Steve doesn't have any more in stock. The hardest for me, by a long shot, will be the caffeine. But I think my body could use a little breather and this'll help. I need to regulate my sleep etc. I'm also in the mood to lose 18 lbs. I've never been a dietand exercise type of person and doubt I ever will be, nor do I take drugs. But Mom told me that if I eat a lemon slice every day, in two weeks, my stomach will shrink. She said it won't work on her cause she's used to sour things but because I'm not, it'll do the trick. I'm not a heavy eater by any means. This weight was put on by the sweets I ate when my darling was here, though I did ask him for them. so it's not like I have to go and change the way I eat. Mom's also bring out this litle exercise machine for her and I might join her but we'll see. I'm not following any trends or bullshit. I just wanna help myself.

Well, that's it. Time to have a bit more of that chicken and maybe a nap. Got up at 4 this morning and only slept a little after that.

12:45pm: Ooh No!
Shit. These 11s are dry/harsh. I'm smoking the Marlboro that I like but oh man! Either I'm just not used to them anymore or the extra 5 mg gave them a hard kick. Think I'm gonna go back to my 0s and wait for Steve to get his 6s back in. At least, those don't scare me. A few more puffs and I'm switching. The good thing here is that I don't have to go out in the rain.

12:12pm: Back to School
Okay, this is gonna be like one of those mathmatics problems you did at school, so put on your thinking cap. I know you'll be able to do this cause some of you are really good at this shit. As in school, just discard the unnecessary information.

Background
As all of you know, I enjoy smoking. But I do it for the taste etc not for the nicotine. I recently got my electronic cigarette and loved it. I started out with 6 mg of nicotine which was good but now the vendor's out of stock and the only thingI have left are 0s. I'd prefer those but the throat hit isn't good and this is from another vendor. I also have some 11s from the first guy but am scared it'll be too high in nicotine for me. I've never been addicted and don't want that problem. Btw, my cigarettes are now Karelias but I couldn't find the content in those so am going with American Spirit lights, which I also smoke. To be honest, I usually smoke their mediums, so the intake is slightly more than here.

Problem:
I smoke no more than four (usually two) cigarettes a day with a nicotine content of 1.5 mg each. It takes about 15 puffs to equal one traditional cigarette but I never measure mine. Each cartridge, regardless of content, takes about 200puffs before it runs out. A 6 mg cartridge, which is equal to about four cigarettes in mgs lasts me about three days. If I had an 11 mg one, how much more nicotine am I taking in over all. How much is in each puff with the 6s versus the 11s?

1:15am: Got It
Well, it turns out that the Mac was able to handle editing youtube, except my school. So yay for that! Now I just need to figure out how to upload audio-only videos, cause I'm sick of the comments on the visuals in mine. Anyway, my whole point is to talk to the people, not to give a presentation. So I figured I'd update you guys since I got a few comments on that last entry. Also, I'm tryingto figure out if the cartridges at vapornine.com have 6 mg or 11 mg as their low. If 6, then I'm thinking of getting their Carolina Tobacco. If 11 then I'll just wait for Steve to get his 6s back at vapor4life.com.

7:17pm: Fucktube
I have a youtube account and want to edit my personal info (location, hobbies, about me etc) but I can't figure out how to do it. I went to account and profile set up but I didn't see anything about it there. I'm gonna try this on the Mac but am thinking either a. I'll have to do the oh so happy thing and humiliate myself to get a sighted person to help me, b. have my account permenantly deleted or c. write a very mangiko letter to youtube. Can anyone help me? Maybe, I'm doing something wrong?

1:13pm: Important Life Question
I've got an important question so am writing it here before I forget. I'm eligible for EU citizenship because Mom was born in Italy. So should I go for it before or after my name change? If I go before, would I have to wait to have the papers changed? If I go after, will it be difficult for them to trace me or something? Could I still use Mom even though my name will now be different?

I actually just asked Mom and she said it would be better to do it after the name change. She said that the first way would work against me and this way would look better. Even she couldn't explain that one but usually, she knows what she's talking about in these things. She alsosaid that I don't neeed to worry about anything, since she has all her documents. yay!

2:00am: For the Love of My Country
There are a few things about me that are set in stone. One is the things I will not tolerate when I'm with someone. These things include dishonesty, abuse, drama, disrespect, unclenliness and general bullshit. And yet, I'm trying to get into a relationship where I'll be lied to, mentally abused, where corruption will reign supreme, where my religion is mocked, where there'll be alot of dirt and where happiness will find me and run off whimpering. And I'd do anything in the world to get there! I'm talking, of course, about me living in Hellas. Everyone who's been there has told me things. I've read the news, I know, at least as much as an armchair visitor can know, how bad it is. Yet something inside me pushes me on. Something won't let me quit because I love my country. Right or wrong, good or bad, free or oppressed, mighty or low: she's mine and I want her. And if it means I'll be treated like shit, mocked, lied to and have my heart broken into ten thousand little pieces, so be it. I've chosen this life and there's no backing out. And maybe, just maybe, when all is said and done, I really will find happiness. Maybe, I'll find her softer side, the thing that makes her beautiful, even today, even in the ruins that she's become. Because when it all boils down to it, I exist soely for her. Ellada can decide my fate and I won't say a damn thing about it. Does that mean I won't protest when I become a citizen, that I won't fight to try and change her, that I'll just let things slip by unnoticed? Maybe it does and maybe it doesn't. Most of me would love to say no, I'll fight and protest." But part of me just says "leave me to enjoy what little I can of her, to find what pleasures I can and be happy. But that force, the thing that pushes me to study, evenwhen I'm tired, to hope when it seems there's no godly reason to do so says no. I will leave my mark on the Hellenic Republic and it'll be a good one. I just pray I get the chance.
Zito Ellada! S' agapo kai tha ertho.

9:34pm: New Guys on the Block
I've got good news. No, I didn't receive a letterback about the manga, but I did make two new great fwbs. They're very different and both are exciting in their own ways. As weird as it sounds, I found them through my post on Craigslist for a mangas! Go figure. I don't find anyone when I put up simple friends requests under the platonic section but put something under misc romance for a mangas and opa!

Theo
theo is 27 (I know, extremely young for me) and at first, I thought we were just gonna be friends but I have a way of turning him on, and once you get passed his shyness, he's hot. He was born here but is Greek and knows the language fluently. Oddly enough, he's totally sighted but doesn't drive. He's maybe the fourth such person I've met in my life, including my mother. He said it's cause he's not really social and doesn't go outmuch, which I could sort of understand. Anyway, he's very laid back and a kind soul. He was impressed with my knowledge of rebetika and though he's not into it as much as I am, he still knows a pretty decent amount about it. He's a smoker and is interested in trying my electronic cigarette which is neat. I'm always teasing him about using imoticons on msn. He's also into weird modern speech (that's gay) or (that's lame) which makes me laugh, since I don't know anyone except my brother and my cousin who speak like that. I think he's gonna be one of those who finds a new way of seeing with me. What I mean is that certain people learn how to describe things so that a blind person can understand them. Theo is starting to pick up on it and we're both enjoying the experience. He's also got a great voice for voiceover work and I told him so. Hopefully, he'll listen, cause I'd love to hear him on a recording of a book or something one day. He's very peasimistic about Ellada and says I'll only be dissolusioned once I get there. He can talk, cause he's lived there. Still, it saddens and sometimes upsets me to hear how he talks about our country sometimes. We're figuring out when we can meet and how he can get here from NYC. He's also said that perhaps, once we get to know each other, we could take walks around the neighbourhood etc. this is really cool, since I'll probably improve my mobility skills that way.

George
I haven't met someone who can instantly turn me on in a long time and George fits the bill very nicely. He's 50, and though he was born here, he's very Greek. He's fluent in the language and into rebetika like me. He even knows some really nice koutsavakika. He's got a way of making me laugh and I've got a way of driving me nuts. He travels alot, which can be good and bad. We're both really into each other and have been sending emails back and forth like hot potatoes. He can't get over how much I know and I can't get over how he makes me feel. That said, he's very down to earth and values my friendship as more than just a sexual fling. I think we can learn alot from each other. He drives so we can probably go out places once we get to know each other more. He's also in New Jersey, though not right near by. He's really encouraging me to live my dreams and seems to believe I can do anything, even live in Greece. *smile* If I don't fuck him soon I'm gonna go nuts, so yeah. haha He's a smoker too which is doubly hot.

Hopefully, things will go as planned and I'll be able to have these new bedfellows over here within the next century or so. But I don't think they'll be like Mr. Stupid and say shit about my mother and crap like that if they can't. spiros is gonna laugh and say "bravo" when he hears this. Oh, and before I go, an hour and 40 minutes today on my lesson! Not all at once but I did about 50 minutes at once.

1:21pm: Grammar
I have a few grammar questions. First, I still confuse when to use με/μου, σε/σου/εσένα etc. Second, just read this.
"N. In English you say up there. In Greek, the placeword comes before. Εκεί πάνω – “there up”. Similarly, we say:
Ε. Εκεί κάτω.
Ν. Down there."
So is it technically wrong to say Κάτω κεί στη Δραπετσόνα" or μέσα εδώ"; I wonder if those were mangiko or just for the purpose of making a song?

11:37pm: Τα Πράγματα Για Κάθε Εβδομάδα
Αν θέλω να πάω στην Ελλάδα, πρέπει να κάνω μερικά πράγματα. Λοιπόν, θα αρχίζω εδώ, στο σπίτι μου. Κάθε μέρα θα ξυπνώ στις εννέα. Θα έχω το πρόγευμα μου και θα πάρω το χάπι μου. Μετά, θα κάνω το μαθημά μου για μια ώρα. Δεν θα μιλώ μαζί κανένας και δεν θα διαβάζω τα emails μου. Αν θέλω να κανώ και άλλο, είναι εντάξι, αλλά πρέπει να δουλέψω για εκείνη ώρα. Μετά το μαθημά μου, θα καπνίζω ένα τσιγάρο (Καρέλια). Οι άλλες φόρες θα έχω το ελεκτρόνικο τσιγάρο, μα αυτό είναι ένα δόρο για μένα. Μετά, θα παίζω το μπουζούκι ή το μπαγλαμά για μια ώρα. Στις δώδεκα θα έχω το γεύμα μου αν πινώ. Η μέρα είναι δική μου. Μερικές φορές, θα διαβάζω τισ εφημερίδες ή άλλα πράγματα στα Ελληνικά. Θα έχω το δύπνω στις έξι. Δεν θέλω ένα ακάθαρτο σπίτι έτσι θα πλήνω το τραπέζι, τα πιάτα, τα κουτάλια, τα πυρούνια, τα μαχέρια και τα ποτύρια κάθε νύχτα. Θα φτιάκνω το τσαι για τον ύπνω στις ένδεκα και θα πάρω το χάπι για αυτό το ίδια φορά. Θα κοιμούμαι στις δώδεκα. Μια φορά την βδομάδα, θα πλήνω το μπάνιο. Μια φορά τον μήνα, θα πλήνω το ψυγίο και τα ερμάρια στη κουζίνα.

Αυτά είναι τα πράγματα για τη Ελένη Βαμβακάρη. Now, I wrote that without looking, so Know very well that I spelled a few things wrong. Also, I was liberal with πλήνω. I know that's not the future tense that I want, since I need the continuous, but the only other way I know to say it is πλένομαι, which means I wash myself. Btw, the pill in the morning is a vitamin. *smile* I'm very serious about this. I need to start doing these things. Today, I worked on my lesson for an hour for the second day in a row. Then, I went to a page that a good friend gave me earlier
http://rebetiko.sealabs.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=16322
and read some of it in Greek. I'd read it earlier with Google, so that helped, but I really did understand a lot of what was said and it made me cry tears of joy. It really shows my progress if I can read the words of the wife of Markos, who, btw, is still living! Yes yes yes. As for her husband, I'm not even gonna try. He'sway way too metaphoric. But I'm happy now, cause I'm moving along nicely. Gods willing, I will continue to do the same every day of the week.

11:35am: Things are Heating Up
I'm on cloud 9999. Putting this behind a cut and also stripped away email addresses and last nam of my contact just to be fair.

( The Emails That May Change My Life )

I think I'm gonna write him and explain that I'll be sending a clean version of my post to them and adding a bit. I never even dreamed of writing the erotic stuff (not that I went into detail but still). Then again, if he says his friend would like it. Still, I'm beyond thrilled right now and wow! Must post this now for friends to read. here's the post that started it all. Notice the really formal English in the letter and the one here.
http://newyork.craigslist.org/jsy/msr/1215845316.html

1:43pm: Let It be Known
So that it may be known and so that all here can witness! I am taking the Vamvakaris pledge but not with bouzouki. I vow to either be finished, or very close to finished, with my Greek lessons in six months. I'm on 58 now and there are 105 in all. If not, then I deserve to be called an American, a kseni and worthless and am not worthy of carrying the name Eleni Vamvakari.

6:41pm: Sentimental Poem
Don't break my narghile.
It's the last of it's kind.
Made by a man in a far away place,
in a long-forgotten time.
Don't break my bouzouki.
It's the least that you couldd do.
It's filled with lots of music,
and things I never knew.
Don't break my record.
It's the only thing I have.
the one last bit of treasure,
that's not gone to the grave.
Re manga don't break my heart.
it's still your's for the taking.
It knows the lonliness, the searching
and the agony of waiting.
But please do break this silence.
It's driving me insane.
Give me a number, an address, a clue,
or just a simple name.
The hands they keep on spinning.
The clock just won't stand still.
They say I'll never find you,
but I know someday I will.

10:18pm: Manges and Rebetes Explained
Originally, I wrote this as just another entry, but since I've had alot of people ask me outside lj, I'm also using it as a reference. So two quick notes before we begin. First, I don't condone hard drugs or violence (the latter should be used only when absolutely necessary). Second, here are three great youtube channels (not mine) with music for you to listen to as you read or whenever you want.
http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=bluesclub2&view=videos
http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=golemschmolem&view=videos
http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=antigonita1&view=videos

----------
I think it's high time I write this entry. It started from a comment made by 3circledsun but I'm sure at least some others here are curious since I talk about this stuff all the time. The comment said, "Call me stupid or something, but what is a manges"
First, you are definitely not stupid. Few people, even many Greeks today, don't know what a mangas is, not in the way I mean... Second,
( My Reply in Essay Form )

And there you have it. The history of rebetika and Smyrnaika as written by Eleni Vamvakari. But why am I looking for a mangas? I wanna meet someone who was actually there, someone who lived the life style and who knew the greats. I want to hear his story and learn things that aren't found in books. I want to sit with him and talk with him. I've been looking for six years now and everyone tells me that they're all dead, that I'll never find one. So part of it is proving them wrong. Am I expecting him to pull out a bouzouki, to dance zembekiko and to have this amazing memory? No. I'm not a fool. The youngest would be in his 80's. He might not even remember his own name! But just to hear one's voice, to touch him, to be with him... And if he's mentally/physically healthy enough, yeah. I wanna take him to bed! *smile* Notonly would I get the benefit of older voice, sexy skin texture and experiences in bed, but who better to please me than a man who was there for it all and who knows all the right things to say/do to please me? Γεια σου ρε μάγγα... Να 'ούμε... Okay, food time.

8:08pm: One Geros Down
Well, Bill and I are through. Not that we had anything to begin with but still. I told him before we made this last appointment that I'd try my best but there were no guarintees. It looked good but it wasn't a promise. Mom was still cleaning and doing stuff around the house yesterday and then had to rush off to work. Her job's very spuratic and when she can go, she does. Bill and I pretty much agreed that if I didn't contact him by 12, we'd call it quits. I'd asked him if it was really okay, told him that I didn't wanna take up his day etc and he said it was fine, that he had paper work to do and so on. So today, time passed. I honestly thought it was 11 and was gonna email him. Well, I check the time and it's 12:05. I got an email from him saying we should stay internet pals, since it seems that Mom's less than enthusiastic. I thought that was fine but figured I should at least explain nicely. I wrote to him and told him that this wasn't it at all and that she's not the type of woman to make a promise and then not keep her word. Only a few minutes earlier, she'd told me "I promise you can see him next week. No matter what." So I told him this and assured him that if she didn't want us to meet, she would've said so. The rsponse I got basically said that if we were gonna meet, it would be at this one restaurant and since he knows Mom and I don't drive, he'd take us together. But he accused her of "dithering" which he called "A favorite tactic, not unknown to the female gender". Now I can take anything. I can take you calling me a bitch, lazy, a slob, boring, not a go-getter etc. But I don't care if you're the last mangas on Earth and have an autographed picture of Markos Vamvakaris on the mantle! You do not! ever! call me a lyer! Andyou do not! accuse my mother of anything! I wrrote to him saying "I do not appreciate the implication that I'm a lyer. my mother once looked a man holding a gun in the eye and said "put away that pea shooter"without having a weapon of her own. She'd certainly have no problem telling you no and neither would I. We're not pussies. If we meet it'll be at my place. She has no interest in going out with my partners" Man when I tellyou, I saw red, black and every colour in between. I wrote on Facebook "I do not appreciate being called a lyer, especially by a psefto! Put some opium in your narghile and od koroido!" I then went and had a cigarette and listened to markos but even that didn't work! Psefto wrote back and said he was sorry if I took it to mean that he was lying and that he suspected my mother of procrastination. Then, "I'm used to a world where commitments are not taken casually and fulfilled. Not a question of blame finding - just how I feel about things." He ended it nicely with good-bye because things seemed to heated and complicated. Gee, I wonder why? Lesson 101 for age 81 and everyone else for that matter. Tell me that you're not gonna make any plans unless they're certain and do it from the beginning! Don't go around and accuse my mother of shit! And he talked about having obligations? Well, so does she. Sorry the world can't revolve around you sweety. Oh, and incase you've forgotten, you cancelled a few times too. Should I say "men are known for a little thing called lying all the time and being shauvinistic?" I didn't actually write back. Not worth my time.

So that ends that. Now looking for a besalis and real mangas who'll respect me. And before I get "manges don't respect women", which is generally true, I'll still bet my bouzouki a real one wouldn't give me that shit. Then again, I'd never in a million years cancel a plan with one ofthose unless I was ill or a life-threatening event occured.

4:31pm: Camp or Prison?
I just got my papers for that vacation camp for the blind. No cursing, no smoking, no sexual language, must walk two New York blocks three times a day for meals. What is this, a prison? I guess it's cause it's "family friendly". They didn't say that but they did say it's for people of all ages. I really need to find one strictly for adults and I don't care if they're blind or not. I'm going there for relaxation and fun, not rules and discipline. I have a headache now. But that's probably cause I went to bed late last night. Actually, we did. *smile* Man what an amazing night we had!

12:31am: Techy Post
Spiros is here tonight, which is filling me with joy and of course, so are the elections. But some of you may be wondering what's been happening over the last few days. I usually post like crazy. Well, I've been busy with techy things. But before I get into those,I thinkI should tell you about how I got into computers. I've put alot of links here, mostly for my personal reference.

I was born in 1983 and went blind at two-months-old. In elementary school, I remember they had an Apple IIE (probably e+), an Apple IIc and an Apple IIGS. Those were my first computers. My classmates used to play Number Munchers and Origon Trail but since I had no screenreader at the time, I could only play with this one disk called Dr. Pete's Talking Writer. It had six different games on it (typing Game, Dragon Maize, Space Invadors and Music Game). There was also a talking Writer as Option one, voice control as six and exit as seven. Even all these years later, I can still hear all the options to that game. I still own that same copy and, though it's warped,it still works. Anyway, the first home computer that we had was an Apple IIC in the early 90's. Even then, it was old. We picked it up at a garrage sail and I could remember my mother was so excited cause it was so small. She kept clicking the keys in the car (she's not blind but she doesn't drive so it was safe). Oddly enough, she never used it and hasn't touched a computer much until last year or so. I never got to use the IIC that much but still have it. Soon afterword, we got a Tandy 1000, running Dos 3.3 , which I loved but couldn't use cause I was told there was nothing accessible for it. Finally, we entered Windows in 1996 with my IBM Abtiva, which I still own. It was bought strictly for me as a gift but quickly became the family computer. Joanie loved it and I can remember a game called Silent Steal which was interactive and which had recorded scenes. we were all amazed cause it could talk and stuff. But I didn't use it consistantly for a few years and still wanted to use dos and the Tandy. I eventually gave that machine away to someone who didn't appreciate it. I later found out she had a better one than me and it was sold. Needless to say, I was furious. But it was that or the Apple IIC and I chose to keep the IIC. It was only afterword that I found out I could use Vocal-eyes and play all the games I loved.

In the meantime, I was just entering high school and now had an old IBM (or Compatible) computer with a 386 cpu and Wordperfect 5.1, curtacy of my mother's friend who'd recently died of brain cancer. I also borroed a copy of Dos ForDummies from the Library for the Blind and began teaching myself the os. No one wanted to teach me. Everyone shunned me when I brought it up, even people who knew how to use it. But I was determined. Then, it crashed and I was crushed. This was before the days when I was really online and I'dnever even heard of ebay. Finally, I managed to get my hands on an old Keynote Gold laptop, the SE I believe, which is basically a modified Toshiba with a 486 cpu, Dos 6.22 and a few programs, the Keysoft suite from Humanware, which I've never really used, and Wordperfect. It's still one of my most prized posessions and now I have a second one, which is good, since the hard drive on the first one is making strange sounds.

Anyway, time passed and I graduated high school. But before doing so, I acquired their Apple IIGS. They were gonna throw it out, but I begged them not to. So they gave it to me, along with tons of software and a printer. I then bought Proterm and Textalker from APH (keep in mind this was 2002 or so and they still had three left) and put it away. I haven't used it since. I went into college and got a Northgate desktop running XP. After that, I got a brand new HP Pavilion as a gift. I used that computer until 2007, when the motherboard decided to quit. I then got my Mac, as you all know. But before that, I moved upstairs for a time. My dos machine and Apples stayed here. By the time I'dcomeback down, everything was in boxes.

But now, I have time on my hands and I've decided to pull out the IIGS and Keynote once more. Not only that, but I've got plans! I wanna install nettamer on my Dos machine and get it on the internet using a ppp account from
http://www.toast.net
I've never gone on the net with dos and it's always been my dream to do so, though originally with a shell account. But since Ifound out that Lynx under XP is a pain in the ass and not accessible with JAWS for Windows, I figured the dos copy is only gonna be more annoying. They said it was difficult to port it to Unix and it was explained tome that in it's hayday, you'd log onto the server and then they'd have Lynx so forget that. So I'm saving my temporary shell account that Geoff is making me for a day for my Apple IIGS. After all, I did buy those two programs forit. Now I have to find a browser forit and learn how to use them all. As for dos, I downloaded a copy of JAWS (thank The Gods for freeware) cause I fucked up Vocal-eyes and can'tfind the disk. Even if I had it I can't find the cord for my Keynote voicecard, the best dos synth ever!

So I changed screenreaders and am now looking for my Echo PC as a temporary fix. I can't afford to get anything else. I have an Echo for the Apple and just bought a very rare synth called a Supertalker, which I have no clue how to use. But it was only $17 so it was no huge loss. It'll be interesting if Icould get it to work and the guys on the Mac Visionaries list are wishing me luck. I also wanna getstarted in programming and in keeping with my tastes, have chosen to learn Quickbasic. I've just gotta find a good download of 4.5. I found one but it used some kind of compression or something. All the files had $ at the end, like qb.ex$ instead of qb.exe etc. I took me three days to find a tutorial for it but I finally did.
Quick install and extra info.
http://www.qbasicstation.com/index.php?c=t_beg
and the full one
http://www.petesqbsite.com/sections/tutorials/tutorials/qbtut.htm
I just have to wait for Mom to get here tomorrow so we can findthe Echo PC and hook it up. But there's one more computer I didn't mention in all of this. It's a Compaq Armada 1750 6333t 6400dm1
http://h18000.www1.hp.com/products/quickspecs/10012_div/10012_div.HTML
and I love it. It's got all the periferals I could ever want, including serial and parallel ports, floppy drive, built-in modem, pcmcia slots and, believe it or not, a usb port!! It was Joanie's from work and she gave it to me. I found instructions on how to upgrade it at
http://wireball.com/cms/armada_1750_repair
and Geoff agreed to do that once I have the money for the parts and labour. Once that'sdone, I'm gonna put XP on it, since it'll be a Pentium 3 and use it as my main stationary machine with my printer etc. Until that's done, I've got a little experiment for it. I'm gonna install Freedos
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freedos
on it and try to use it with a screenreader. Freedos is basically a modern version ofdos (compatible with the MS version) which can handle xformats today's and 32-bit applications. If I can get it to work, I'm gonna be thrilled!

Well, that's it for now. I've got a man to drive crazy as soon as he finishes doing his teeth.

5:19pm: Elections
So I'm following the elections and have some good and bad news. The good is that PASOK is on top, followed by New Democracy, KKE, Syriza, LAOS and the Greens. I don't like the Greens in Greece cause their leader supports FYROM! What the fuck is that!

Anyway, the real crushing news is that 48.17% of the country didn't vote! In some places, the numbers were as high as 63%. Part of me is going what the hell is happening here? Butpart understands it all too well. Politics in Greece are a joke. So many bad things have happened over the last two years or so that it's ridiculous. I guess the people lost faith. But we can't do that. We have to believe there'll be a brighter future or we won'thave anything at all and we'll be beaten from the start. Zito Ellada!

2:10pm: A Cool Test

Your result for The Cultural Identity Test...

The Noble Traditionalist

78% Traditionalism!

Take The Cultural Identity Test at HelloQuizzy

Given thequestions and the subject matter, I don't think it's wrong to call me a traditionalist here. Very ethnocentric and I like itthat way. While I believe that people shouldmaintain their cultures, I'm not into the whole idea of a melting pot and I think that by everyone becoming onething ex.people following American society like it was a law or something, they're losing their own cultural identities. Just a thought.

8:40pm: Syra, Erxomai!
Aaaaaa! Just had another fight with Grandma. She has this thing with coming down to my apartment and wanting to make stuff. She came down and wanted to make a cake. Now something must be understood. She never asks even if she tries to make it sound that way. She assumes that she can do something. Paraphraised:
Grandma. "Mrs. Spiro. I just wanna make this cake..."
Me. (nicely) "Why do you always need to use my stove? "
G. "I don't wanna touch anything upstairs.
Me. "Mom told me it's okay. She doesn't mind."
G. "You're alone."
Me. "So? You always come here and wanna do stuff."
G. "I pay the electric."
Me. "But it's my apartment."
I don't remember the exact words but she ran off off in a huff. I called Mom because I know she'd tell her anyway tomorrow and as I was explaining it. she came down again just as I was telling Mom and btw, I even said in the very beginning "Grandma came down nicely but if I let her do it this time she's gonna think it's okay all the time."
Me. "Oh good. You're here so you can hear this."
G. "Are you telling her the truth?"
Me. "Yes."
G. "No you're not."
Me. "Okay, what truth then lyer?"
G. "I came down and asked. I had a smile on my face."
Me. "I know that but it's my apartment and you didn't ask. You told me you were coming down to make a cake. You never ask is it okay or are youbusy."
G. "I told you I didn't wanna touch anything. I don't know how to use that stove. Fine, I won't make you anything anymore. Don't come up and ask me for stuff."
Me. "I never comeup and use your stuff and I always ask you first. Whenever I wanna cook something, you never help me. it's always ah, it's too hot, ah, I don't wanna do this."
G. "I make you coffee.
Me. "Coffee. Yeah. If I wanted to make a cake, would you help me?"
G. "No. Your Mom can do it."
Me. "Then Mom could teach you how to use the stove tomorrow.
G. "Oh come on!"
I heard her putting the cake in the oven at some point and said. "Don't put that in there.
G. "Im gonna put it in."
Me. "Then I'm gonna throwit out as soon as you leave. (in a mocking tone) I'm gonna put it in...." As a sidenote, she'd just chastised Joanie for having a similar attitude two months ago.
G. "Nice. Don't talk to me!"
Me. "Fine."
G. "And I don't wanna talk to the other one either." (talking about Mom) She went back upstairs all the while loudly complaining. I even heard her going on after Mom and I hung up and I wasin the bathroom. She was saying stuff like "beautiful. Really nice. I love you. What kind of love is this? And the other one too." (referring to Mom)

Now before you people think that I'm a ruthless bitch, youmust understand something. We had a fight about two weeks ago because I was awake. She'd come to the top of the stairs and was like "oh, you're on the computer?" I said yes
G. "It's three o'clock in the morning!"
Me. "So? Do I have to work tomorrow?"
G. "Jesus..."

When I told Mom she got very upset. We could both understand if she was yelling cause I was loud orrunning up and down or something but I was sitting in my apartment talking on Skype and not bothering anyone. Grandma was just pissed cause I was up so late. She didn't even care that I had a light on, which would've been a genuine concern. Mom explained to her that I'm a paying tennant just like she is and that she's not to disturb me at night when I'm in my place. I could swing on a chain from the ceiling if I wanted! Apparently, she doesn't get that this is my place and she can't just bardge in and do whatever she wants whenever she wants. why? Think of this. What if I wanted to run around naked, masturbate, have a dirty talk with someone or what if I just wanted to sleep! No. I'd have to stop and wait for her to make the cake, or change my conversation when she came down to get it. I don't want that! We built the kitchen upstairs for a reason. It's bad enough I'm stuck in the house all the time and she never offers to take me anywhere, not even the store. If she did that or was willing to help me cook I wouldn't mind. But no. She wants everything done for her and does nothing for me other than coffee and grilled cheese. I don't think so!

So tomorrow, Mom's probably gonna have another big fight with her and she'll yes her to ddeath or get really mad and throw one of her stupid tantroms and then do it again in a month or so. Granted, I should've locked the door and from now on, that's what I'm gonna do. I'm just sorry it had to come to that.

6:50pm: Hilarious Meme
This is fucking hilarious!

http://thesurrealist.co.uk/12days.php?user=theophania
On the twelfth day of Christmas, theophania sent to me...
Twelve penises masturbating
Eleven pseudosciences writing
Ten dentures a-baking
Nine blowjobs aging
Eight spirits a-fishing
Seven coins a-sleeping
Six netbooks a-cooking
Five blo-o-o-ow jobs
Four soft erections
Three electronic cigarettes
Two markos vamvakaris
...and a hellenion in a clergy.

10:49am: Feeling Good
Geia sas! I'm so incredibly relieved. sannion says Mom's gonna be okay. It was a fabrication of her mind and Zeus wasn't trying to take her. However, her spiritual life will change and she'll have to let go of me on a few levels... Please note that this was an emergency reading, for which we are very grateful. His full oracle is still on Saturday.